DISRUPTION

When the Mayans predicted 2012 as the end of the world what they perhaps saw was a disruption happening around the globe at hurricane speeds.

Europe & the USA are at the brink of economic calamities, the developing world crippled with corruption & poverty. Old habits are dissolving rapidly & a disorder existing which is beyond any experts understanding. Perhaps this is the end that the Mayans saw: The end of an era of simple living and a beginning of new age beliefs, though only one old age philosophy will continue to stand the test of time “Survival of the fittest”.

Change is constant, however if gradual then there’s less turmoil. In my world this advent of chaos happened in 2007 – Hail the ‘I-phone & Facebook’ - the sexiness of these two have been impossible to resist & they almost arrived simultaneously one not knowing the other would help each one become global seductresses. Its true ignorance is bliss but once seduced by technology it is impossible to go back to the regular. I knew friends who swore they would never get a mobile in 1998 & behold 2012 they’re the regular culprits advocating the benefits of FB & smart phones to all.

Sigh! It’s inevitable – in the 1957 classic Hindi film ‘Naya Daur’- the horse carts were being replaced by bus services & all those adopting machines were the bad lot. The good lot had the support of the star ‘Dilip Kumar’ encouraging all to stay true to the unchanging. The end had a race where the horse cart was trying to outrun the bus. My young heart of 8 years (I saw this film in the 1970’s) wanted the traditional to win & lo behold the underdog races ahead to the finish…. I laugh when I think of it now as my current cynic self knows transformations are inevitable, impossible to contain & we need to evolve or become obsolete like the dear telegram which is now the modern age tweeting….

We love hanging on to what understand & are most secure when amongst familiarity (what we know keeps us safe). It’s the unknown that causes anarchy.

I’m off to start new learning’s & adapt – Are you?

TRIVIA

It’s been a while since I’ve written and now with much awe & humility my respect for writers is even higher than it earlier was. It’s not easy being inspired day after day, week after week to express your thoughts into interesting words. I pretend not, to be a superior one & do know that it's the simplicity I wish to reflect that gets expressed. In any case my blog is to share the simpler pleasures & experiences hopefully a source of delight or inspiration to others. No tall claims of wanting to make a difference.

There is so much happening in my life as well that I want to enjoy every moment and writing is only a fraction of my dreams & things to do before I pop it …..Time my only true enemy.

Very often I hear people mention that life’s been unfair & they have not achieved what they set out too but really it’s usually ‘us’ we need to inspect & most often ‘we’ are the culprits who stand between our dreams. I do believe that if you can dream it you can do it.

Strangely most of the people I am now meeting are exactly like me ‘content’. Not sure if it’s somehow possible to attract people who are JLY? Do we really send vibrations into the universe that nudges our destiny – In my cynical world this seems unlikely but my friends who practise Buddhism swear by this.

Having recently attended a 50^th destination birthday with a bunch of near 50 year olds was exhilarating & liberating not to mention delicious with gluttony meals that would put the ancient Romans to shame. Being amongst a crowd who uninhibitedly know each other for over 20 years is too much fun & being a silent spectator even more. I fell for the idea of celebrating my landmark birthday surrounded by gentry who love me even more. True friends are important & their being there for your happy times is as important as them being there when times are tough. To have a friend who’s happy for you is as tough to find as having a friend who stands by you when things are rough. And truly blessed are those who can whip up more than 3 such friends.

Mountains have always fascinated me more than the sea and I do find myself longing to be a recluse during my leisure time surprisingly more oftener now. Don’t get me wrong I love working, the buzz it brings & the feeling of purpose it inspires – it’s striking the balance which is the dispute. How much work is enough and where to draw the line without it invading your personal space is more a challenge than the other way around. As when I’m at work I’m so totally into it that I fear I do need to withdraw else life will pass me by & I would not have any fun.

And like the 1965 film ‘WAQT’ – Time that’s the one to watch out for……for it’s running you by….

My Inspirations

Recently, I read about a young 25 year old hanging herself because her beau sent her a break-up bouquet of flowers. Perhaps he is not innocent & not a very nice person either but still it’s hardly fair to blame a 22 year and let’s face it he now has his own ghosts and nightmares to live with. It also made me wonder about the support system this young girl may not have had.

Trust me most of us do have our dreary days and those who don’t are very lucky people.

Growing up is never easy, from a dreamy existence we have to come to terms with reality that life’s not fair and there are enough people around to ensure you feel isolated & insecure. So how do you deal with them – my advice you can’t & you don’t bother. What you do is find inspirations that see you through life with dignity and focus on the important things that really do matter.

Whenever I think about inspirations, there are three women who always spring to my mind & this happens every time. I do truly owe them my sanity, my values, my confidence, my spirited outlook basically, everything. They are however, totally unaware of their influence.

Before I reveal their names we rewind time a bit…

Early 1980's witnessed me as a spunky & rebellious thirteen year old – equally awkward, gawky, unconfident & misunderstood. It truly is tough to find someone who understands you & does not judge you during your teenage best, who does not dismiss you, has faith in you during these painful growing years. After many misplaced confidences, I finally found my first inspiration.

A confident & stylish young actress who was living life on her own terms and enjoying success, making mistakes, accepting them with dignity, living through them, understanding that they were hers to make. I was truly awestruck by her independence and free spirit. I read up on her life through every magazine interview I could lay my hands on, taking inspiration from her thoughts and deeds, observing her fashion styles through her films, adapting them. Iconic in her trends, she changed the way Indian women perceived themselves - from self sacrificing, crying wrecks metamorphosing into confident, stylish, successful professionals. I did have illusions of one day being as spirited, stylish & self sufficient as her. Even when she was publicly humiliated she never wallowed in self pity, never lashed out at the family who was responsible for her disfigurement. What she did do was stand up, brush herself & move on into the next phase in her life. 

I still believe her to be the only real Bollywood star who is worthy of my admiration. I thank you Zeenat Aman for being my teenage idol and for showing me the way into living life to the fullest, embracing your mistakes and moving ahead head held high.

In my 30’s I understood my second inspiration - She is truly a rock star. She showed me that there is always success if you focus and work hard & its okay to let people use you, just use them as much too – Wow- I had never thought of it that way before. She is truly the most amazing success story & will always be. She is the pioneer in the concept of re-inventing oneself every 4 years (I do that even today). Stop, evaluate and rid all habits not working and evolve. Evolution is the only constant and if you don’t change you will be extinct. She taught me that to be current you must be collaborative with young trends. Stay ahead of the game through re-invention.

Madonna is an inspiration one can only dream to experience first hand.

The last but not the least is my mom. She is the kindest, most charitable, most ethical person I have been inspired by. I find myself acknowledging and understanding this more & more as I truly grow up. She was a single parent at forty - two, uneducated and at an age when you are still young enough to want a lot more personally (how many 40 year olds have you met who still behave like 20 year olds?) and yet old enough to have a primary concern for her three young precarious teenage daughters who she would now have to bring up on her own.

She dived straight into it with grace, never complaining about life’s lemons & giving us three sisters as best as she could. We had so much love even though we struggled financially & of course it was tough, but in return our gift came wrapped as strong, determined, kind & successful achievers. As I enter my 40’s I can only imagine the true grit & determination of this amazingly enterprising, matriculate-educated woman who battled life head on & managed to fill our lives with love, laughter & success. I doubt we will ever be able to pay her back.

The trick is to find worthy inspirations...................

For success – it’s waiting for you around that corner you thought you would never find.

This is a small effort at paying a tribute to mine.

 

An Ode to love

A week from today, we complete twenty three wonderful years of being in love (twenty two of these are legal). In today’s context I’ll admit it’s rare, unimaginable & usually scoffed at as boring.

Boring –ours - not a chance … it’s as alive and exciting as the first day we met. Perhaps over the years our expression of love has graduated, into being more dignified & less animal like (much for the benefit of our children & to their relief too). Now hopefully with an empty nest we can resume our basic instincts & stay youthful forever.

And if it’s any consolation to the younger couples wanting a lifetime together, my heart still skips a beat when we see each other or when the door opens or when we are to meet on a romantic date.

23 years ago…..we nearly did not meet.

My mother absentmindedly forgot to inform me of my job interview, (also two decades ago jobs were not for us girls, especially those from businessmen Punjabi families. But being a rebel helps and I rejoiced in doing the exact opposite of these expectations. Much to my poor mother’s desperation of how to explain me to her relatives, though the sweetest thing that she is, always secretly supported me) but fate did have a different plan.

The company called to check why I had not made it for the interview & asked if I could make it in the next hour. I was elated that they actually thought this young graduate was important enough to call & I wore my best pair of jeans & sneakers and went for an interview (I would not hire anybody dressed like that today).

I was lucky I got the job.

As I was leaving the interview & got into the elevator, I noticed this north-eastern looking boy who was completely unaware of the attentions of one other female colleague & her hug was met with equal oblivion. I smiled furiously to myself and reluctantly confess I was intrigued by this young boy. I simply had to know who he was.

Don’t get me wrong I was a snob & definitely not interested in this boy (the debate still rages on at home) but did want to befriend him. This was arranged by a bright orange t-shirt I wore (we still amusingly recount this story to our kids who are now tired of hearing it) with a gaping hole in the back showing off my awesome swim tan. One thing led to another & within a month we were an item (sneaking off during lunch breaks for rainy drives in Colaba, coffee every evening at the Oberoi coffee shop, weekend movies, intimate holding of hands…..) It was a whirlwind romance & within six months

I married my best friend.

Our early days together, saw us quite broke, but ever so happy - we had each other & that was all we needed. The kids came within a year & soon we were young parents, evolving gently into this role with joy.

As the kids grew our legendary holidays began. We travelled the length of India with the kids in tow, asleep on the back seat of our car. Our holidays are the most memorable part of this journey together & they were cheap & cheerful. We stopped anywhere & everywhere at India’s midway hotels without reservations and had so much fun indulging in these impromptu itineraries. We have literally driven everywhere from Bombay to Lansdowne to Dehradun, from Delhi to Himachal Pradesh, from Goa to Conoor having the time of our lives.

So what really does make it work?

Truly there’s no formula. No gyaan that I could share.

But can say one thing for sure that in this journey, both need to transit from one phase into another together. The one moving quicker will need to wait for the other to catch up.

And on a more happy note - isn’t that what loved one’s do - wait for each other.

But currently need we wait - not a chance. So let the celebrations begin.........

Charity begins at home

It’s true -- our kids learn from us, silently observing adult behaviour & emulating the same in their child-like role playing. Powers of observation during our growing years are at its peak & kids are like sponges ready to absorb all. 

If during these early childhood years, we teach our kids to be patient, law abiding, honest, charitable, ethical & fair only then will they be exactly that. Of course, this means that we need to be all of the above & can lead them only through example. And from this thought, comes the coinage "charity begins at home" and, as you have perhaps guessed by now, I'm a total sucker for clichés & sincerely believe they exist for a reason. 

We've been blessed with two kids & realised then, that children idolise their parents (be warned only in their early years) & they are the first ever role models. My partner & I believe that it’s the little things we teach our kids while growing up that makes them who they become; hopefully we have taught ours well. 

Currently, with my driver on leave, I am being subjected to the tortures of driving on the Bombay roads and suffer silently, as I hopelessly watch all the illustrious law-breaking co-drivers dashing, left to right to left, in hypnotic frenzy. Perhaps the hot Indian summer does not help & perhaps our inability to teach our kids the right thing - they all contribute.

For clarity, a few examples to explain what I mean:

1.      A few parents known to us allow their 16 year old son to drive & are quite proud of the fact that their son is so accomplished. (Legal age in India is 18 years)

2.     Another drives on the wrong side of the road with his 10 year old son seated in the back seat. Perhaps, teaching him it’s okay to take a convenient short cut, even if it breaks a traffic law.

3.     Another strange couple carries their infant (head hanging lose) on a motorbike. Sometimes even with two little kids 

4.     One yet other ridiculous sight was a biker with no helmet, no protective gear, hands off the handle, i-pod plugged to his ears, posing while riding, head thrown back & singing to the music aka Bollywood style -- he could have well been run over by one careless bus driver who would have missed his seriously amusing, yet stupid antics imitating his favourite matinee idol.

5.     a few proudly throw garbage from a moving car straight on to the road.

6.     Not to forget mentioning India's favourite pass-time - spitting on the roads. Especially at a signal, the car door opens & the driver or a passenger lets off a full-bloodied spew (it truly looks as disgusting as it reads)

.....and sadly these are all witnessed traffic truths. 

So what makes us such enterprising individuals? 

I believe it’s what we learn at home. It shapes us into who we become. If, growing up we are taught its okay to drive before the legal age, okay to drive on the wrong side of the road, okay not to wear a helmet while riding, okay to carry infants on motorcycles, okay to roll down the window & mess our country -- then we learn at an early age that, it's okay to do the wrong thing, if convenient & laws are meant to be broken.

And unfortunately, this behaviour does not end at the traffic signals, it transcends into every other little thing we do.

If parents are seen breaking laws, no matter how small the crime, then for the child, it’s okay to break the law as long as one can get away with it. And yes its true, it starts with these little lessons & then escalate into bigger evils.

To see any reform, it’s the parent who will need to change. Teach their kids to take little inconvenient steps & do the right things & that is how we will start building ourselves & our children into evolved, self - regulated & self - disciplined individuals.

Do remember 'charity does really begin at home'. 

On that happy note - I sign off this week's blog & will see you next week. Keep reading & sending me your feedback for "the little things - comes straight from the heart".

Empty Nesters

A good first anything is always a difficult act to follow – consistency is the hardest to maintain and like everything else in our lives that’s true of a writing a blog post too.

Recently, I read an article written by one of my favourite authors (Suketu Mehta) on how the world is divided into two sets of folks - those with kids & those without and it got me thinking about our soon to be empty nest.

It also managed to bring back some lovely memories, those two days' when unplanned miracles blessed our lives and put us in the former category, thus changing our lives forever. 

As young parents, we fumbled clumsily to do the right things and failing quite so often. Luckily, our kids have forgiven us, perhaps due to our constant acceptance of our mistakes and candid confessions of loving them despite our imperfections.

In the early days of parenthood, I guiltily admit to envying every single young person, watching them party evening after evening, while I ran home to be with my babies. I envied every career driven young (gender no bias) who raced ahead of me, I admit to feeling low for being denied promotions and for being considered a wild card who (the mother in me) may quit her job any day. I foolishly remember the immature me, trying to keep up with the singles’ at every step yet not managing to succeed ever so often.

If only, there had been a crystal ball to peer into during those years of growing pains, it would have surely saved me the embarrassment, as I look back.

Now as our young 20 year old moves out to pursue her masters in journalism, and travels to foreign lands to live her dream – I (my partner is more discrete) am at the cross roads of mixed emotions feeling the pangs of change tug at me. And this is just the beginning, our nest will truly be empty in another 3 years.

Life without the messiness of these little pups seems unimaginable. The dinner table conversations about F-1, football, politics, live commentaries about our days’ experiences, the healthy sibling rivalries, the friendly debates, favourite television shows, amusing tales of our two canines, animated discussions of where to holiday next- (Sigh) how our lives were enriched and now this buzzing nest life will be different forever.

All of us will move into the next undiscovered phase of our lives.

As we move to our new experiences, my advise to those yet young parents is;

• hug your kids more often than you already do
• tell them you love them as often as you can
• talk to them about their dreams while they want to share these with you
• learn about their friends while you can
• teach them to be ethical in their jobs, while they are willing to listen
• respectful to those less fortunate than yourselves
• teach them to be gracious in defeat and humble in victory
• teach them to be charitable through example
• tell them its okay to make & accept mistakes as long as you learn wisely from them
• teach them the right values on love and forgiveness and most importantly tell them that relationships are more important than any amount of money you can make
• teach them friendships and family are irreplaceable and to share your good fortune with those you love, after all what’s the point of being successful if you don't share it with your loved ones

I do truly have an amazing partner (the spouse does always know best - they live with each other) and we believe together we have managed to imbibe some of these ideals in our baby birds.

And as  they fly away and leave our nest empty, we hope that despite life’s struggling battles these early values will stay alive with them at all times. We wish these two kittens the very best of success, happiness, peace and good fortune, that we have been blessed with.

Perhaps this is also the right time for my partner and me to be 20 again and re-discover each other - restart where we left off….

Holding that thought - till next week.

Mother's Day

This being my first blog post ever -- I want it to be special - here's a simple attempt at doing just that.

As cliched as it sounds, there is no greater joy than being a mother. It changes your life forever, from a carefree & careless existence you instinctively become the most annoyingly cautious, careful & worrying individual, trivial things which seemed so inconsequential earlier become the centre of your worries.

Simple things start to matter: who are my neighbours, are they safe, are they helpful, will my kids be fine when they return from school with only the help to watch over them, how do I tell my boss its my kids PTA, how do I skip work for their Annual day, how do I explain the importance of being given priority over my single co-workers for leave dates.... Sigh - they do sound trivial - don't they!

This 20 year journey as a mother has been the most liberating and fulfilling of all the smaller journeys that I have experienced. And having the most amazing, well-mannered, simple & sweetest kids in the world helps.

My advise to the younger parents is always be simple & honest. Honest that you are never perfect, honest that you will make mistakes in this journey with them, honest that you need to give an equal share of attention to work as much as to them, honest that your dreams are as important as theirs, honest that you will not always be able to inspire your colleagues to understand that being a parent requires a special kind of support and honest that you really do LOVE them the most. 

I have had the most amazing partner who has imbibed in me this honest & simple approach and together we have been successful parents.  

On this mother's day - I thank my children for bringing so much sunshine into my life -- I don't think I would have been a better human being, had I not been a mom.

A simple truth.