Work v/s Life balances

Recently, I had the privilege of attending a workshop on work v/s life balance & even though I’m adept at giving such a workshop, it’s refreshing to be at the receiving end. Usually your beliefs build over time through your own experiences, & having a fellow professional reconciling theirs with yours, simply lends the credibility you seek.

So for the younger reader who is at the threshold of her career & is wondering how to strike a balance it’s important to write down your priorities. A list helps re-enforce the clarity in your thoughts and then follow-through action happens with more precision.

Me, I’ve always been a disciplined time manager & do not allow one role to eat into the other. If you have read my post on ‘Empty Nesters’ you will know that a younger foolish me was envious of my colleagues who were single & racing ahead of me in their career, achieving successes which were professional milestones (CEO’s at 33, VP’s at 29). In India we are more enamored with age than our western counterparts, but age is the universal currency of perceived successes.

As I look back, I realize today that any such high achievement always come at a cost. And there’s neither right nor wrong in these choices, only a priority that one made.

Here is a guide to my insights on how to try & strike a balance:

1. the first & most important priority is to never measure your achievements on those of others. Each one of us has a different objective in life & we must pursue our own with a simple honesty & zero envy. 
2. never compromise one at the cost of the other. When at home switch off from all the challenges that are devouring you at work & take the time to relax your mind by spending quality time with your loved ones. 
3. at work attack each challenge with logic & passion rather than compassion & emotion. 
4. set absolute & clear deadlines for yourself & avoid too many ciggy & tea breaks. They cause a disruption which adds an additional 3 hours daily to your existing work life (unnecessary in my mind). 
5. focus, focus, focus & let go of all negativity. Nothing brings more success than a positive attitude & clear outlook.
6. compete with only yourself. 
7. remember, nothing happens with just pure luck & the harder you work the luckier you get.  
8. do something you love in your free time – yoga, dancing, scuba diving – something you find exhilarating & fun. 
9. lastly & also as important choose your friends carefully. They usually influence you in ways beyond recognition & before you know it’s too late to recover lost ground both in the professional & personal space.

I have been so fortunate to have a life partner who is truly the most generous person there is & through his immense patience with me, I have become this far–sighted & focused individual.

I may not have achieved the socially perceived early successes but yes I did manage to have a great professional life with smaller successes balanced with a terrific personal life with equal successes.

We can proudly claim that our kids are stress- free & balanced as well. There have been fewer tantrums & no self-destructive teenage rebellions… 

Not being a full time mom still saw me witness all the motherhood joys, perhaps not to the extent I would have wished but balanced enough. And having a job gave me a sense of accomplishment which is beyond compare. 

I have only one person to thank & that is my best friend & life partner Harsh.

Thank you for always being there for me……..I don’t think I would have been half the balanced person I am without you. 

And as Jerry Maguire would say "you complete me".

My Inspirations

Recently, I read about a young 25 year old hanging herself because her beau sent her a break-up bouquet of flowers. Perhaps he is not innocent & not a very nice person either but still it’s hardly fair to blame a 22 year and let’s face it he now has his own ghosts and nightmares to live with. It also made me wonder about the support system this young girl may not have had.

Trust me most of us do have our dreary days and those who don’t are very lucky people.

Growing up is never easy, from a dreamy existence we have to come to terms with reality that life’s not fair and there are enough people around to ensure you feel isolated & insecure. So how do you deal with them – my advice you can’t & you don’t bother. What you do is find inspirations that see you through life with dignity and focus on the important things that really do matter.

Whenever I think about inspirations, there are three women who always spring to my mind & this happens every time. I do truly owe them my sanity, my values, my confidence, my spirited outlook basically, everything. They are however, totally unaware of their influence.

Before I reveal their names we rewind time a bit…

Early 1980's witnessed me as a spunky & rebellious thirteen year old – equally awkward, gawky, unconfident & misunderstood. It truly is tough to find someone who understands you & does not judge you during your teenage best, who does not dismiss you, has faith in you during these painful growing years. After many misplaced confidences, I finally found my first inspiration.

A confident & stylish young actress who was living life on her own terms and enjoying success, making mistakes, accepting them with dignity, living through them, understanding that they were hers to make. I was truly awestruck by her independence and free spirit. I read up on her life through every magazine interview I could lay my hands on, taking inspiration from her thoughts and deeds, observing her fashion styles through her films, adapting them. Iconic in her trends, she changed the way Indian women perceived themselves - from self sacrificing, crying wrecks metamorphosing into confident, stylish, successful professionals. I did have illusions of one day being as spirited, stylish & self sufficient as her. Even when she was publicly humiliated she never wallowed in self pity, never lashed out at the family who was responsible for her disfigurement. What she did do was stand up, brush herself & move on into the next phase in her life. 

I still believe her to be the only real Bollywood star who is worthy of my admiration. I thank you Zeenat Aman for being my teenage idol and for showing me the way into living life to the fullest, embracing your mistakes and moving ahead head held high.

In my 30’s I understood my second inspiration - She is truly a rock star. She showed me that there is always success if you focus and work hard & its okay to let people use you, just use them as much too – Wow- I had never thought of it that way before. She is truly the most amazing success story & will always be. She is the pioneer in the concept of re-inventing oneself every 4 years (I do that even today). Stop, evaluate and rid all habits not working and evolve. Evolution is the only constant and if you don’t change you will be extinct. She taught me that to be current you must be collaborative with young trends. Stay ahead of the game through re-invention.

Madonna is an inspiration one can only dream to experience first hand.

The last but not the least is my mom. She is the kindest, most charitable, most ethical person I have been inspired by. I find myself acknowledging and understanding this more & more as I truly grow up. She was a single parent at forty - two, uneducated and at an age when you are still young enough to want a lot more personally (how many 40 year olds have you met who still behave like 20 year olds?) and yet old enough to have a primary concern for her three young precarious teenage daughters who she would now have to bring up on her own.

She dived straight into it with grace, never complaining about life’s lemons & giving us three sisters as best as she could. We had so much love even though we struggled financially & of course it was tough, but in return our gift came wrapped as strong, determined, kind & successful achievers. As I enter my 40’s I can only imagine the true grit & determination of this amazingly enterprising, matriculate-educated woman who battled life head on & managed to fill our lives with love, laughter & success. I doubt we will ever be able to pay her back.

The trick is to find worthy inspirations...................

For success – it’s waiting for you around that corner you thought you would never find.

This is a small effort at paying a tribute to mine.