Spirituality

It’s been a while since I posted a blog, and definitely the reason is not being short of idea’s, those are a plenty. The delay has been due to the paucity of time to express them clearly.

Also off late the festivities have kept me quite engaged at home and if I were to really define how my time was spent, I would fail miserably to sound even faintly believable. 

As the festivals line up from September and with one supreme battle of victory over evil to happen in November, what’s really been on my mind is the question of religion v/s spirituality and how does someone differentiate between them. Reading Sarah Mac Donald’s book ‘Holy Cow’ did not help but re-enforce these questions with aggressive vigour.

In my mind, spirituality, embraces the right for anyone to freely follow & express their beliefs. It does not attempt to restrict nor dictate one’s choice of worship nor demean another fellow’s fundamental right to choose his/her own path. Celebrates the simple, the good & allows co-existence with respect, patience and tolerance.

Religion, on the other hand simply makes you believe that what you practice is the only best way to exist.

I remember while growing up I encountered many young people who would refuse to accept ‘prasad’ (holy sweets offered by Hindu/Sikh temples to all devotee’s) simply because their religion does not permit them to eat from another’s temple. Being younger & far more innocent, I could not understand this old fashioned reasoning. The thought that someone could believe another temple’s offering as unholy & a betrayal to their religion was unthinkable in my child-like mind. After three decades I continue to question this point of view & find it quite bizarre.

Most of my family is either agnostic or non-believers or spiritual and together we celebrate all festivals. From diwali, gur purab, durga puja, dassera, easter, christmas, eid, pateti, holi to lodhi & more - we have a fun time participating with fervour, & most importantly welcome the delicious delicacies that adorn the table – tops. Invitations from our friends to celebrate along with them, are even more welcome.

I can and will not understand differently and enjoy partaking in all… I do continue to hope for a better and more spiritual world but then, the cynic in me recognizes that it’s perhaps unlikely to happen in this lifetime - then maybe ... sooner enough.

Let’s together hope… Tathaastu!

Work v/s Life balances

Recently, I had the privilege of attending a workshop on work v/s life balance & even though I’m adept at giving such a workshop, it’s refreshing to be at the receiving end. Usually your beliefs build over time through your own experiences, & having a fellow professional reconciling theirs with yours, simply lends the credibility you seek.

So for the younger reader who is at the threshold of her career & is wondering how to strike a balance it’s important to write down your priorities. A list helps re-enforce the clarity in your thoughts and then follow-through action happens with more precision.

Me, I’ve always been a disciplined time manager & do not allow one role to eat into the other. If you have read my post on ‘Empty Nesters’ you will know that a younger foolish me was envious of my colleagues who were single & racing ahead of me in their career, achieving successes which were professional milestones (CEO’s at 33, VP’s at 29). In India we are more enamored with age than our western counterparts, but age is the universal currency of perceived successes.

As I look back, I realize today that any such high achievement always come at a cost. And there’s neither right nor wrong in these choices, only a priority that one made.

Here is a guide to my insights on how to try & strike a balance:

1. the first & most important priority is to never measure your achievements on those of others. Each one of us has a different objective in life & we must pursue our own with a simple honesty & zero envy. 
2. never compromise one at the cost of the other. When at home switch off from all the challenges that are devouring you at work & take the time to relax your mind by spending quality time with your loved ones. 
3. at work attack each challenge with logic & passion rather than compassion & emotion. 
4. set absolute & clear deadlines for yourself & avoid too many ciggy & tea breaks. They cause a disruption which adds an additional 3 hours daily to your existing work life (unnecessary in my mind). 
5. focus, focus, focus & let go of all negativity. Nothing brings more success than a positive attitude & clear outlook.
6. compete with only yourself. 
7. remember, nothing happens with just pure luck & the harder you work the luckier you get.  
8. do something you love in your free time – yoga, dancing, scuba diving – something you find exhilarating & fun. 
9. lastly & also as important choose your friends carefully. They usually influence you in ways beyond recognition & before you know it’s too late to recover lost ground both in the professional & personal space.

I have been so fortunate to have a life partner who is truly the most generous person there is & through his immense patience with me, I have become this far–sighted & focused individual.

I may not have achieved the socially perceived early successes but yes I did manage to have a great professional life with smaller successes balanced with a terrific personal life with equal successes.

We can proudly claim that our kids are stress- free & balanced as well. There have been fewer tantrums & no self-destructive teenage rebellions… 

Not being a full time mom still saw me witness all the motherhood joys, perhaps not to the extent I would have wished but balanced enough. And having a job gave me a sense of accomplishment which is beyond compare. 

I have only one person to thank & that is my best friend & life partner Harsh.

Thank you for always being there for me……..I don’t think I would have been half the balanced person I am without you. 

And as Jerry Maguire would say "you complete me".

REMINISCE

More than five years ago, I joined the magazine business & this contributed to a habit which now stays with me & has become a part of my DNA (it was to help give me a clearer perspective & insights into the person who parented the brand with me & now its just something I do). 

I’m ruined for life, as without fail the first page I read is the editor’s letter.

Recently, I caught the editor’s note in the national geographic traveller, on ‘memories of summer’ & it got me thinking of my early pre-teen days. I lived in a city I then believed, would be my home forever. Also from where, much to my disdain, I was brutally disengaged & brought to Mumbai, where I have now lived for what seems like forever.

All those who have been following my blog will know, that our first born is on her way to study her masters in journalism, and it so happens that she has chosen a city where I have these fond ‘memories of summer’ as the few years spent there, now simply seem like a summer away from home.

I dedicate this blog post to the city I loved and lost.

And of all other coincidences, my family home is a stone’s throw away from where Sarakshi will study & live. Alas, if only my parents had been blessed with my fine sense of wisdom & business-minded acumen, perhaps then we would still have owned, that beautiful two-storey home in the posh zone one area of one of the world’s most expensive city - London.

Our generation of parents are quite different from our fore-fathers, & we all have totally indulged our kin. Hence now, I’m off to drop my daughter to London & we have decided to stay a stone’s throw away from where I grew up (smile) & will thereby be assured of the opportunity to visit both my childhood home & school.

And the stars that be, have decided that my partner also travel to London (of all the cities in the world), at the same time on work (another truly strange occurrence at the very moment - makes one almost believe in the supernatural, disbelievers would dismiss it as - the law of probabilities on some mathematical calculation). 

Our darling son & dogs stay behind, much to the happiness of the boy. What he does not know is, that we have other plans & he will be well-chaperoned by extended family – evil grin.

The countdown has begun & we are all excited to visit this fun city. It will give me a chance to re-live the love I lost, (not having known at that time) I would not return for a long long longer time……

Keep reading this post as we reveal all the wonderful secrets of London.

DISRUPTION

When the Mayans predicted 2012 as the end of the world what they perhaps saw was a disruption happening around the globe at hurricane speeds.

Europe & the USA are at the brink of economic calamities, the developing world crippled with corruption & poverty. Old habits are dissolving rapidly & a disorder existing which is beyond any experts understanding. Perhaps this is the end that the Mayans saw: The end of an era of simple living and a beginning of new age beliefs, though only one old age philosophy will continue to stand the test of time “Survival of the fittest”.

Change is constant, however if gradual then there’s less turmoil. In my world this advent of chaos happened in 2007 – Hail the ‘I-phone & Facebook’ - the sexiness of these two have been impossible to resist & they almost arrived simultaneously one not knowing the other would help each one become global seductresses. Its true ignorance is bliss but once seduced by technology it is impossible to go back to the regular. I knew friends who swore they would never get a mobile in 1998 & behold 2012 they’re the regular culprits advocating the benefits of FB & smart phones to all.

Sigh! It’s inevitable – in the 1957 classic Hindi film ‘Naya Daur’- the horse carts were being replaced by bus services & all those adopting machines were the bad lot. The good lot had the support of the star ‘Dilip Kumar’ encouraging all to stay true to the unchanging. The end had a race where the horse cart was trying to outrun the bus. My young heart of 8 years (I saw this film in the 1970’s) wanted the traditional to win & lo behold the underdog races ahead to the finish…. I laugh when I think of it now as my current cynic self knows transformations are inevitable, impossible to contain & we need to evolve or become obsolete like the dear telegram which is now the modern age tweeting….

We love hanging on to what understand & are most secure when amongst familiarity (what we know keeps us safe). It’s the unknown that causes anarchy.

I’m off to start new learning’s & adapt – Are you?

TRIVIA

It’s been a while since I’ve written and now with much awe & humility my respect for writers is even higher than it earlier was. It’s not easy being inspired day after day, week after week to express your thoughts into interesting words. I pretend not, to be a superior one & do know that it's the simplicity I wish to reflect that gets expressed. In any case my blog is to share the simpler pleasures & experiences hopefully a source of delight or inspiration to others. No tall claims of wanting to make a difference.

There is so much happening in my life as well that I want to enjoy every moment and writing is only a fraction of my dreams & things to do before I pop it …..Time my only true enemy.

Very often I hear people mention that life’s been unfair & they have not achieved what they set out too but really it’s usually ‘us’ we need to inspect & most often ‘we’ are the culprits who stand between our dreams. I do believe that if you can dream it you can do it.

Strangely most of the people I am now meeting are exactly like me ‘content’. Not sure if it’s somehow possible to attract people who are JLY? Do we really send vibrations into the universe that nudges our destiny – In my cynical world this seems unlikely but my friends who practise Buddhism swear by this.

Having recently attended a 50^th destination birthday with a bunch of near 50 year olds was exhilarating & liberating not to mention delicious with gluttony meals that would put the ancient Romans to shame. Being amongst a crowd who uninhibitedly know each other for over 20 years is too much fun & being a silent spectator even more. I fell for the idea of celebrating my landmark birthday surrounded by gentry who love me even more. True friends are important & their being there for your happy times is as important as them being there when times are tough. To have a friend who’s happy for you is as tough to find as having a friend who stands by you when things are rough. And truly blessed are those who can whip up more than 3 such friends.

Mountains have always fascinated me more than the sea and I do find myself longing to be a recluse during my leisure time surprisingly more oftener now. Don’t get me wrong I love working, the buzz it brings & the feeling of purpose it inspires – it’s striking the balance which is the dispute. How much work is enough and where to draw the line without it invading your personal space is more a challenge than the other way around. As when I’m at work I’m so totally into it that I fear I do need to withdraw else life will pass me by & I would not have any fun.

And like the 1965 film ‘WAQT’ – Time that’s the one to watch out for……for it’s running you by….

My Inspirations

Recently, I read about a young 25 year old hanging herself because her beau sent her a break-up bouquet of flowers. Perhaps he is not innocent & not a very nice person either but still it’s hardly fair to blame a 22 year and let’s face it he now has his own ghosts and nightmares to live with. It also made me wonder about the support system this young girl may not have had.

Trust me most of us do have our dreary days and those who don’t are very lucky people.

Growing up is never easy, from a dreamy existence we have to come to terms with reality that life’s not fair and there are enough people around to ensure you feel isolated & insecure. So how do you deal with them – my advice you can’t & you don’t bother. What you do is find inspirations that see you through life with dignity and focus on the important things that really do matter.

Whenever I think about inspirations, there are three women who always spring to my mind & this happens every time. I do truly owe them my sanity, my values, my confidence, my spirited outlook basically, everything. They are however, totally unaware of their influence.

Before I reveal their names we rewind time a bit…

Early 1980's witnessed me as a spunky & rebellious thirteen year old – equally awkward, gawky, unconfident & misunderstood. It truly is tough to find someone who understands you & does not judge you during your teenage best, who does not dismiss you, has faith in you during these painful growing years. After many misplaced confidences, I finally found my first inspiration.

A confident & stylish young actress who was living life on her own terms and enjoying success, making mistakes, accepting them with dignity, living through them, understanding that they were hers to make. I was truly awestruck by her independence and free spirit. I read up on her life through every magazine interview I could lay my hands on, taking inspiration from her thoughts and deeds, observing her fashion styles through her films, adapting them. Iconic in her trends, she changed the way Indian women perceived themselves - from self sacrificing, crying wrecks metamorphosing into confident, stylish, successful professionals. I did have illusions of one day being as spirited, stylish & self sufficient as her. Even when she was publicly humiliated she never wallowed in self pity, never lashed out at the family who was responsible for her disfigurement. What she did do was stand up, brush herself & move on into the next phase in her life. 

I still believe her to be the only real Bollywood star who is worthy of my admiration. I thank you Zeenat Aman for being my teenage idol and for showing me the way into living life to the fullest, embracing your mistakes and moving ahead head held high.

In my 30’s I understood my second inspiration - She is truly a rock star. She showed me that there is always success if you focus and work hard & its okay to let people use you, just use them as much too – Wow- I had never thought of it that way before. She is truly the most amazing success story & will always be. She is the pioneer in the concept of re-inventing oneself every 4 years (I do that even today). Stop, evaluate and rid all habits not working and evolve. Evolution is the only constant and if you don’t change you will be extinct. She taught me that to be current you must be collaborative with young trends. Stay ahead of the game through re-invention.

Madonna is an inspiration one can only dream to experience first hand.

The last but not the least is my mom. She is the kindest, most charitable, most ethical person I have been inspired by. I find myself acknowledging and understanding this more & more as I truly grow up. She was a single parent at forty - two, uneducated and at an age when you are still young enough to want a lot more personally (how many 40 year olds have you met who still behave like 20 year olds?) and yet old enough to have a primary concern for her three young precarious teenage daughters who she would now have to bring up on her own.

She dived straight into it with grace, never complaining about life’s lemons & giving us three sisters as best as she could. We had so much love even though we struggled financially & of course it was tough, but in return our gift came wrapped as strong, determined, kind & successful achievers. As I enter my 40’s I can only imagine the true grit & determination of this amazingly enterprising, matriculate-educated woman who battled life head on & managed to fill our lives with love, laughter & success. I doubt we will ever be able to pay her back.

The trick is to find worthy inspirations...................

For success – it’s waiting for you around that corner you thought you would never find.

This is a small effort at paying a tribute to mine.

 

An Ode to love

A week from today, we complete twenty three wonderful years of being in love (twenty two of these are legal). In today’s context I’ll admit it’s rare, unimaginable & usually scoffed at as boring.

Boring –ours - not a chance … it’s as alive and exciting as the first day we met. Perhaps over the years our expression of love has graduated, into being more dignified & less animal like (much for the benefit of our children & to their relief too). Now hopefully with an empty nest we can resume our basic instincts & stay youthful forever.

And if it’s any consolation to the younger couples wanting a lifetime together, my heart still skips a beat when we see each other or when the door opens or when we are to meet on a romantic date.

23 years ago…..we nearly did not meet.

My mother absentmindedly forgot to inform me of my job interview, (also two decades ago jobs were not for us girls, especially those from businessmen Punjabi families. But being a rebel helps and I rejoiced in doing the exact opposite of these expectations. Much to my poor mother’s desperation of how to explain me to her relatives, though the sweetest thing that she is, always secretly supported me) but fate did have a different plan.

The company called to check why I had not made it for the interview & asked if I could make it in the next hour. I was elated that they actually thought this young graduate was important enough to call & I wore my best pair of jeans & sneakers and went for an interview (I would not hire anybody dressed like that today).

I was lucky I got the job.

As I was leaving the interview & got into the elevator, I noticed this north-eastern looking boy who was completely unaware of the attentions of one other female colleague & her hug was met with equal oblivion. I smiled furiously to myself and reluctantly confess I was intrigued by this young boy. I simply had to know who he was.

Don’t get me wrong I was a snob & definitely not interested in this boy (the debate still rages on at home) but did want to befriend him. This was arranged by a bright orange t-shirt I wore (we still amusingly recount this story to our kids who are now tired of hearing it) with a gaping hole in the back showing off my awesome swim tan. One thing led to another & within a month we were an item (sneaking off during lunch breaks for rainy drives in Colaba, coffee every evening at the Oberoi coffee shop, weekend movies, intimate holding of hands…..) It was a whirlwind romance & within six months

I married my best friend.

Our early days together, saw us quite broke, but ever so happy - we had each other & that was all we needed. The kids came within a year & soon we were young parents, evolving gently into this role with joy.

As the kids grew our legendary holidays began. We travelled the length of India with the kids in tow, asleep on the back seat of our car. Our holidays are the most memorable part of this journey together & they were cheap & cheerful. We stopped anywhere & everywhere at India’s midway hotels without reservations and had so much fun indulging in these impromptu itineraries. We have literally driven everywhere from Bombay to Lansdowne to Dehradun, from Delhi to Himachal Pradesh, from Goa to Conoor having the time of our lives.

So what really does make it work?

Truly there’s no formula. No gyaan that I could share.

But can say one thing for sure that in this journey, both need to transit from one phase into another together. The one moving quicker will need to wait for the other to catch up.

And on a more happy note - isn’t that what loved one’s do - wait for each other.

But currently need we wait - not a chance. So let the celebrations begin.........