Do lean in

I am inspired less and less of late, to blog – frankly the idea of being politically correct down right bores me.

Out of sheer boredom today, I happened to pick up Sheryl Sandberg’s book ‘Lean In’ and simply could not keep it down. An absolute page-turner had me identifying with her every written word. The times I’ve questioned my right to command more for myself at work was a recognizable evil. My home life has been at an absolute equal keel - I am truly married to the most amazing man that exists on this planet (the wife most definitely knows).

In short the book empowers women to recognize their authority to question, to push, to lean in when the going gets tough. Demand’s that the men in their lives help build an environment where women are not stereo-typed into being pushy, bossy nor aggressive if they are ambitious and bold enough to ask for a good work & home life balance.

I also recognized that I find myself so alone at times as a woman in a leadership role.  It is unfortunately true that you have to prove and justify your decisions much more than a man with equal capability, ambition and drive. It is also sadly true that women tend to believe they deserve less powers and a lower salary than men at par with them and the people around you don’t always help (gender no bar). I have just read chapter one and I am so inspired that I have decided to dedicate this blog post to someone who had the ‘guts’ to lean in and reach such heights of success and also publish a book about it. It truly requires courage to open yourself to interpretation and could create a position of vulnerability for the writer, at the same time also help encourage and empower less fortunate women who have as high ambitions as Sheryl has managed to achieve.

I have in my earlier blogs talked about inspirations and the women who gave me hope when I had doubts of being good at anything; reading about their lives made me relate to mine and helped me get strength from their stories.

My journey so far has been a fortunate one (fortune favours the hard working in my book) and has reached its mid-point. I do have a good decade and half to go yet and as Claire Underwood of ‘House of Cards’ would say ‘we have so much to accomplish yet, to be significant’

I do, however, say one thing to all you young aspirational women at the threshold of your journey - choose something you enjoy doing and people you enjoy working with and make a go of it. Focus only on the accomplishment of doing a good job and everything else that is worthwhile materially will follow. Chase not the end but become the means of that accomplishment.

It’s the actual discovery of what would make you happy day after day, that's the challenge and if you do find that joy - don’t leave it for any thing in the world.

Spirituality

It’s been a while since I posted a blog, and definitely the reason is not being short of idea’s, those are a plenty. The delay has been due to the paucity of time to express them clearly.

Also off late the festivities have kept me quite engaged at home and if I were to really define how my time was spent, I would fail miserably to sound even faintly believable. 

As the festivals line up from September and with one supreme battle of victory over evil to happen in November, what’s really been on my mind is the question of religion v/s spirituality and how does someone differentiate between them. Reading Sarah Mac Donald’s book ‘Holy Cow’ did not help but re-enforce these questions with aggressive vigour.

In my mind, spirituality, embraces the right for anyone to freely follow & express their beliefs. It does not attempt to restrict nor dictate one’s choice of worship nor demean another fellow’s fundamental right to choose his/her own path. Celebrates the simple, the good & allows co-existence with respect, patience and tolerance.

Religion, on the other hand simply makes you believe that what you practice is the only best way to exist.

I remember while growing up I encountered many young people who would refuse to accept ‘prasad’ (holy sweets offered by Hindu/Sikh temples to all devotee’s) simply because their religion does not permit them to eat from another’s temple. Being younger & far more innocent, I could not understand this old fashioned reasoning. The thought that someone could believe another temple’s offering as unholy & a betrayal to their religion was unthinkable in my child-like mind. After three decades I continue to question this point of view & find it quite bizarre.

Most of my family is either agnostic or non-believers or spiritual and together we celebrate all festivals. From diwali, gur purab, durga puja, dassera, easter, christmas, eid, pateti, holi to lodhi & more - we have a fun time participating with fervour, & most importantly welcome the delicious delicacies that adorn the table – tops. Invitations from our friends to celebrate along with them, are even more welcome.

I can and will not understand differently and enjoy partaking in all… I do continue to hope for a better and more spiritual world but then, the cynic in me recognizes that it’s perhaps unlikely to happen in this lifetime - then maybe ... sooner enough.

Let’s together hope… Tathaastu!

Work v/s Life balances

Recently, I had the privilege of attending a workshop on work v/s life balance & even though I’m adept at giving such a workshop, it’s refreshing to be at the receiving end. Usually your beliefs build over time through your own experiences, & having a fellow professional reconciling theirs with yours, simply lends the credibility you seek.

So for the younger reader who is at the threshold of her career & is wondering how to strike a balance it’s important to write down your priorities. A list helps re-enforce the clarity in your thoughts and then follow-through action happens with more precision.

Me, I’ve always been a disciplined time manager & do not allow one role to eat into the other. If you have read my post on ‘Empty Nesters’ you will know that a younger foolish me was envious of my colleagues who were single & racing ahead of me in their career, achieving successes which were professional milestones (CEO’s at 33, VP’s at 29). In India we are more enamored with age than our western counterparts, but age is the universal currency of perceived successes.

As I look back, I realize today that any such high achievement always come at a cost. And there’s neither right nor wrong in these choices, only a priority that one made.

Here is a guide to my insights on how to try & strike a balance:

1. the first & most important priority is to never measure your achievements on those of others. Each one of us has a different objective in life & we must pursue our own with a simple honesty & zero envy. 
2. never compromise one at the cost of the other. When at home switch off from all the challenges that are devouring you at work & take the time to relax your mind by spending quality time with your loved ones. 
3. at work attack each challenge with logic & passion rather than compassion & emotion. 
4. set absolute & clear deadlines for yourself & avoid too many ciggy & tea breaks. They cause a disruption which adds an additional 3 hours daily to your existing work life (unnecessary in my mind). 
5. focus, focus, focus & let go of all negativity. Nothing brings more success than a positive attitude & clear outlook.
6. compete with only yourself. 
7. remember, nothing happens with just pure luck & the harder you work the luckier you get.  
8. do something you love in your free time – yoga, dancing, scuba diving – something you find exhilarating & fun. 
9. lastly & also as important choose your friends carefully. They usually influence you in ways beyond recognition & before you know it’s too late to recover lost ground both in the professional & personal space.

I have been so fortunate to have a life partner who is truly the most generous person there is & through his immense patience with me, I have become this far–sighted & focused individual.

I may not have achieved the socially perceived early successes but yes I did manage to have a great professional life with smaller successes balanced with a terrific personal life with equal successes.

We can proudly claim that our kids are stress- free & balanced as well. There have been fewer tantrums & no self-destructive teenage rebellions… 

Not being a full time mom still saw me witness all the motherhood joys, perhaps not to the extent I would have wished but balanced enough. And having a job gave me a sense of accomplishment which is beyond compare. 

I have only one person to thank & that is my best friend & life partner Harsh.

Thank you for always being there for me……..I don’t think I would have been half the balanced person I am without you. 

And as Jerry Maguire would say "you complete me".

REMINISCE

More than five years ago, I joined the magazine business & this contributed to a habit which now stays with me & has become a part of my DNA (it was to help give me a clearer perspective & insights into the person who parented the brand with me & now its just something I do). 

I’m ruined for life, as without fail the first page I read is the editor’s letter.

Recently, I caught the editor’s note in the national geographic traveller, on ‘memories of summer’ & it got me thinking of my early pre-teen days. I lived in a city I then believed, would be my home forever. Also from where, much to my disdain, I was brutally disengaged & brought to Mumbai, where I have now lived for what seems like forever.

All those who have been following my blog will know, that our first born is on her way to study her masters in journalism, and it so happens that she has chosen a city where I have these fond ‘memories of summer’ as the few years spent there, now simply seem like a summer away from home.

I dedicate this blog post to the city I loved and lost.

And of all other coincidences, my family home is a stone’s throw away from where Sarakshi will study & live. Alas, if only my parents had been blessed with my fine sense of wisdom & business-minded acumen, perhaps then we would still have owned, that beautiful two-storey home in the posh zone one area of one of the world’s most expensive city - London.

Our generation of parents are quite different from our fore-fathers, & we all have totally indulged our kin. Hence now, I’m off to drop my daughter to London & we have decided to stay a stone’s throw away from where I grew up (smile) & will thereby be assured of the opportunity to visit both my childhood home & school.

And the stars that be, have decided that my partner also travel to London (of all the cities in the world), at the same time on work (another truly strange occurrence at the very moment - makes one almost believe in the supernatural, disbelievers would dismiss it as - the law of probabilities on some mathematical calculation). 

Our darling son & dogs stay behind, much to the happiness of the boy. What he does not know is, that we have other plans & he will be well-chaperoned by extended family – evil grin.

The countdown has begun & we are all excited to visit this fun city. It will give me a chance to re-live the love I lost, (not having known at that time) I would not return for a long long longer time……

Keep reading this post as we reveal all the wonderful secrets of London.

DISRUPTION

When the Mayans predicted 2012 as the end of the world what they perhaps saw was a disruption happening around the globe at hurricane speeds.

Europe & the USA are at the brink of economic calamities, the developing world crippled with corruption & poverty. Old habits are dissolving rapidly & a disorder existing which is beyond any experts understanding. Perhaps this is the end that the Mayans saw: The end of an era of simple living and a beginning of new age beliefs, though only one old age philosophy will continue to stand the test of time “Survival of the fittest”.

Change is constant, however if gradual then there’s less turmoil. In my world this advent of chaos happened in 2007 – Hail the ‘I-phone & Facebook’ - the sexiness of these two have been impossible to resist & they almost arrived simultaneously one not knowing the other would help each one become global seductresses. Its true ignorance is bliss but once seduced by technology it is impossible to go back to the regular. I knew friends who swore they would never get a mobile in 1998 & behold 2012 they’re the regular culprits advocating the benefits of FB & smart phones to all.

Sigh! It’s inevitable – in the 1957 classic Hindi film ‘Naya Daur’- the horse carts were being replaced by bus services & all those adopting machines were the bad lot. The good lot had the support of the star ‘Dilip Kumar’ encouraging all to stay true to the unchanging. The end had a race where the horse cart was trying to outrun the bus. My young heart of 8 years (I saw this film in the 1970’s) wanted the traditional to win & lo behold the underdog races ahead to the finish…. I laugh when I think of it now as my current cynic self knows transformations are inevitable, impossible to contain & we need to evolve or become obsolete like the dear telegram which is now the modern age tweeting….

We love hanging on to what understand & are most secure when amongst familiarity (what we know keeps us safe). It’s the unknown that causes anarchy.

I’m off to start new learning’s & adapt – Are you?

TRIVIA

It’s been a while since I’ve written and now with much awe & humility my respect for writers is even higher than it earlier was. It’s not easy being inspired day after day, week after week to express your thoughts into interesting words. I pretend not, to be a superior one & do know that it's the simplicity I wish to reflect that gets expressed. In any case my blog is to share the simpler pleasures & experiences hopefully a source of delight or inspiration to others. No tall claims of wanting to make a difference.

There is so much happening in my life as well that I want to enjoy every moment and writing is only a fraction of my dreams & things to do before I pop it …..Time my only true enemy.

Very often I hear people mention that life’s been unfair & they have not achieved what they set out too but really it’s usually ‘us’ we need to inspect & most often ‘we’ are the culprits who stand between our dreams. I do believe that if you can dream it you can do it.

Strangely most of the people I am now meeting are exactly like me ‘content’. Not sure if it’s somehow possible to attract people who are JLY? Do we really send vibrations into the universe that nudges our destiny – In my cynical world this seems unlikely but my friends who practise Buddhism swear by this.

Having recently attended a 50^th destination birthday with a bunch of near 50 year olds was exhilarating & liberating not to mention delicious with gluttony meals that would put the ancient Romans to shame. Being amongst a crowd who uninhibitedly know each other for over 20 years is too much fun & being a silent spectator even more. I fell for the idea of celebrating my landmark birthday surrounded by gentry who love me even more. True friends are important & their being there for your happy times is as important as them being there when times are tough. To have a friend who’s happy for you is as tough to find as having a friend who stands by you when things are rough. And truly blessed are those who can whip up more than 3 such friends.

Mountains have always fascinated me more than the sea and I do find myself longing to be a recluse during my leisure time surprisingly more oftener now. Don’t get me wrong I love working, the buzz it brings & the feeling of purpose it inspires – it’s striking the balance which is the dispute. How much work is enough and where to draw the line without it invading your personal space is more a challenge than the other way around. As when I’m at work I’m so totally into it that I fear I do need to withdraw else life will pass me by & I would not have any fun.

And like the 1965 film ‘WAQT’ – Time that’s the one to watch out for……for it’s running you by….