Revival

Every day since the passing of my Mom, I wake up with a sinking feeling and it hits me she is no more. I feel I'm in a bad dream and all will be fine when I rouse. Unfortunately, it’s the other way around.

A lot of folks tell me I need to move on in my life and get stronger but define strong to me?
Is it - Not breaking down at the thought that you will never be able to share your thoughts with the person who always had time for you? Or accepting bravely, that the person who made you feel fine when everything around you was in turmoil, is there no more to guide you? Or is it realising that, your daughter’s wedding will now have to be planned without her insightful suggestions. The list is endless...

One of my siblings’ believes our Mom is watching us and that she is communicating with her through her meditative encounters – I so wish I could experience the same, but the finality of her death just does not allow me to disappear into the warmth of such a thought.

I am, of course slowly picking up the pieces of my life and there are good days and bad days, with the former exceeding the latter now.  I am happy - yes very, the love and support I enjoy, is an envious state of existence. Indeed, the people who love me have thoroughly spoilt me and, I decide to now surround myself with only those who feel nothing but that for me...

Life's too short - seriously and you do NOT need negative people in. Screw them! They don’t deserve you anyways.

2014 has made me stronger and I know my friends, relentless in their concern, not giving up on me, supporting me, rooting for me and making me happy. I have always been there for anyone who reached out to me - helping find their ungrateful children jobs, providing guidance and welcoming them in my home.  Hmmmm… perhaps it is the right time for me to truly evolve – I wish them well and move on to a smarter me :)

A lot of my friends vocalised their love and concern, engaging me while I was down, there were silent ones too (not all love and care need be vocal; in fact, I value it silent too). 

As I move on to being a better balanced person, I just want to say “I love you all” and you know who you are and I know you better today.

Thank you.