Just around a corner called 'Life'

Being an empty nester has its low points, like missing the hustle and bustle of younger children, the smell of fresh notebooks during the monsoons as school starts,  the crazy study schedules and soccer, tennis, swimming, theatre training sessions, a full house. I do miss them much.

While you're living it you want away, and then one day when the craziness ends you think - Darn! I want it back. Best advise - keep moving. (Ummmm, easier said than done as chaotic habits, they're hard to break).

Let's look at the glass, half full. You can now pursue your incomplete personal dreams, without feeling the pangs of guilt for spending time away. So this year sees me back chasing my incomplete academic dreams, and has me on a second run at a post graduation, and this time in business administration. I have decided to re-skill myself and re-connect with the new. Disrupt all, unlearn to re-learn and I'm loving every bit of it.

And from re-learning alphabets, arithmetic tables and nursery rhymes, the agenda moves to managerial economics, marketing, costing and principles, and boy, is it fun and like a warm sunshine on a cold day.

This part of my journey sees me totally booked, busy working a full time job on weekdays and on weekends I chase my academic dream, keep my CSR dreams ignited. I also teach 15 children at a shelter for street kids. Keeping busy is the only way to restore the organised chaos that one lives in, for 24 years, and keeps your sanity intact.

Losing my mother has been an eye-opener on how fragile life is. It can end at any moment, poof and its over! So darlings - give, take, participate - Live life as if every day is your last. You don't need to save too much but you definitely need to bring happiness into your life and that of everyone you touch.

Hmmmmmm, easier said than done. Even at a higher stage of evolution and spiritual connection, it is tough. By the time 'Karma' works, you reach a point of no care.  And wonder - Hey, WHY don't I care? Most likely you've moved on and it matters no more. You no longer are at that crossroad.

I can hold a good grudge - sadly. I try to change that but ummmm not happening. I feel like a good ole Brit and to be honest, I have been early taught by them.

Anyhoo, such is living - complicated and incomprehensible. The whole study of the 'Gita' (Hindu book of karma teaching) is all about control of the mind, anger and relaxing it with good thoughts and adding onto the scale of 'good karma'. And peace comes to those who feel neutrality during all human experiences of love, hate, passion, anger, sadness et al. A tough one that.

Me, I just want to be a JEDI - controlled and using a light saber - I am certain that will solve most of my issues with life... Saber bad people out, if only.
Waiting for the next JEDI film or Harry Potter book- George Lucas, Rowling - hope you listening!

Now let's get behind a good film or book and laugh or cry our guts out - That's option no. 2.






 

Revival

Every day since the passing of my Mom, I wake up with a sinking feeling and it hits me she is no more. I feel I'm in a bad dream and all will be fine when I rouse. Unfortunately, it’s the other way around.

A lot of folks tell me I need to move on in my life and get stronger but define strong to me?
Is it - Not breaking down at the thought that you will never be able to share your thoughts with the person who always had time for you? Or accepting bravely, that the person who made you feel fine when everything around you was in turmoil, is there no more to guide you? Or is it realising that, your daughter’s wedding will now have to be planned without her insightful suggestions. The list is endless...

One of my siblings’ believes our Mom is watching us and that she is communicating with her through her meditative encounters – I so wish I could experience the same, but the finality of her death just does not allow me to disappear into the warmth of such a thought.

I am, of course slowly picking up the pieces of my life and there are good days and bad days, with the former exceeding the latter now.  I am happy - yes very, the love and support I enjoy, is an envious state of existence. Indeed, the people who love me have thoroughly spoilt me and, I decide to now surround myself with only those who feel nothing but that for me...

Life's too short - seriously and you do NOT need negative people in. Screw them! They don’t deserve you anyways.

2014 has made me stronger and I know my friends, relentless in their concern, not giving up on me, supporting me, rooting for me and making me happy. I have always been there for anyone who reached out to me - helping find their ungrateful children jobs, providing guidance and welcoming them in my home.  Hmmmm… perhaps it is the right time for me to truly evolve – I wish them well and move on to a smarter me :)

A lot of my friends vocalised their love and concern, engaging me while I was down, there were silent ones too (not all love and care need be vocal; in fact, I value it silent too). 

As I move on to being a better balanced person, I just want to say “I love you all” and you know who you are and I know you better today.

Thank you.

Grace Under Fire

I am so inspired; my love for the American culture just grows with every award ceremony, every film, with every mind blowing original script, every television series I see, with every book I read, with the passion of reporting Anderson Cooper brings to the table… I can go on and on and on. To understand and experience the true American dream one just needs to look at how many Indians travel to the USA never to return and the numbers are perhaps as infinite as the stars in the universe.

I see my friends and relatives who go there suddenly turn their fortunes and the essence of their new persona is visible in just about everything they touch.

Hey wait a second – I don’t mean to drool so much, as America has their share of negatives. The most glaring ones are their paranoia and the arrogance of a super power (invading other countries where they have vested interests). Man! are they paranoid and are they arrogant (especially when they had a monkey yeah George Bush, as their Chief of State in the saddle). But they may be forgiven for only one of these indiscretions,  after all they are some of the most generous people, more so at a personal level and their support for freedom of speech and equality et al is incomparably better than most nations. However, the invasions, they definitely need to re-visit and alter their position on.

Currently inspired; and with this dream to be more patriotic and be a catalyst of change I am actually trying to be a better Indian, and have set out to make a significant difference by starting a small social enterprise to try and positively change the lives of the lesser privileged in India. Learn and contribute, be more giving, more thoughtful and share a little more, every day.

It takes a lot of patience to steer a thought – a movement – from being so used to complacency where we always blame the government for inadequacies, to actually getting off our butts and putting our personal “money where our mouth is” (I love clichés and I love using them – they express your thoughts accurately and without trying too hard to make a point),  and not the money of the company we represent.

I also love my new job as a student but not the dilemma of poverty a students life brings, I love to feel young again – it is exhilarating and un-inhibiting. I enjoy being an entrepreneur as some days I work for sixteen hours straight and some days I work for four, but overall I work the regular average.

The toughest part is to buckle down, snap out of my sorrowful depressed state of inaction to actually making the social difference, I set out to achieve. A dream in my heart, a spirited pace in my step and an opportunity to make a contribution to help the lesser privileged with an incomparable attitude of grace and a whole lot of luck from the universe, on a path fired up by an ambition to succeed, I have set off on this journey of change.

I still miss my mom but I am slowly learning to gain control over the grief and anguish and I have my wonderful and talented family to thank for this.