Recently I lost my mom, to say that I am devastated and inconsolable is an understatement. Nothing and I mean nothing prepares you for the loss of a loved one, especially a parent who has been your friend, your confidante and your everything for more than 45 years.
All I can think of is whether I gave her all the happiness in the world and whether I told her enough that I loved her and whether I spent enough time with her in these last few years -- if only I had known that she would be snatched away from me so early. If only I had got another decade with her !
The thoughts are never - ending, traumatic and this self-inflicted pain is torturous and pointless... but somehow the melancholia just never sees the horizon of happiness.
Friends and family say time is the best healer. Perhaps with time, I will learn to accept my loss but will the pain ever heal - I doubt it... I will always want her next to me smiling, scolding, frowning and guiding me with her love, strength and determination. I keep thinking of how she was alive and happy just twenty days ago and now I will never hear that sweet voice nor have her frantic missed calls to check if I am okay. She has left behind a void in my heart which will not heal ever...
I miss you Mom oh so very much and really do wish I had a time-machine to go back and do a lot more for you, to tell you every hour that I love you and life without you would never be the same.
As I bid you farewell and share you with the heavens, I pray that you are freed from the cycle of life and death and now abode there, peaceful and happy watching over me, one of your last earthly children who loves you very much and regrets not telling you more often... I love you Mom more than you can ever imagine.
All I can think of is whether I gave her all the happiness in the world and whether I told her enough that I loved her and whether I spent enough time with her in these last few years -- if only I had known that she would be snatched away from me so early. If only I had got another decade with her !
The thoughts are never - ending, traumatic and this self-inflicted pain is torturous and pointless... but somehow the melancholia just never sees the horizon of happiness.
Friends and family say time is the best healer. Perhaps with time, I will learn to accept my loss but will the pain ever heal - I doubt it... I will always want her next to me smiling, scolding, frowning and guiding me with her love, strength and determination. I keep thinking of how she was alive and happy just twenty days ago and now I will never hear that sweet voice nor have her frantic missed calls to check if I am okay. She has left behind a void in my heart which will not heal ever...
I miss you Mom oh so very much and really do wish I had a time-machine to go back and do a lot more for you, to tell you every hour that I love you and life without you would never be the same.
As I bid you farewell and share you with the heavens, I pray that you are freed from the cycle of life and death and now abode there, peaceful and happy watching over me, one of your last earthly children who loves you very much and regrets not telling you more often... I love you Mom more than you can ever imagine.
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