My Inspirations

Recently, I read about a young 25 year old hanging herself because her beau sent her a break-up bouquet of flowers. Perhaps he is not innocent & not a very nice person either but still it’s hardly fair to blame a 22 year and let’s face it he now has his own ghosts and nightmares to live with. It also made me wonder about the support system this young girl may not have had.

Trust me most of us do have our dreary days and those who don’t are very lucky people.

Growing up is never easy, from a dreamy existence we have to come to terms with reality that life’s not fair and there are enough people around to ensure you feel isolated & insecure. So how do you deal with them – my advice you can’t & you don’t bother. What you do is find inspirations that see you through life with dignity and focus on the important things that really do matter.

Whenever I think about inspirations, there are three women who always spring to my mind & this happens every time. I do truly owe them my sanity, my values, my confidence, my spirited outlook basically, everything. They are however, totally unaware of their influence.

Before I reveal their names we rewind time a bit…

Early 1980's witnessed me as a spunky & rebellious thirteen year old – equally awkward, gawky, unconfident & misunderstood. It truly is tough to find someone who understands you & does not judge you during your teenage best, who does not dismiss you, has faith in you during these painful growing years. After many misplaced confidences, I finally found my first inspiration.

A confident & stylish young actress who was living life on her own terms and enjoying success, making mistakes, accepting them with dignity, living through them, understanding that they were hers to make. I was truly awestruck by her independence and free spirit. I read up on her life through every magazine interview I could lay my hands on, taking inspiration from her thoughts and deeds, observing her fashion styles through her films, adapting them. Iconic in her trends, she changed the way Indian women perceived themselves - from self sacrificing, crying wrecks metamorphosing into confident, stylish, successful professionals. I did have illusions of one day being as spirited, stylish & self sufficient as her. Even when she was publicly humiliated she never wallowed in self pity, never lashed out at the family who was responsible for her disfigurement. What she did do was stand up, brush herself & move on into the next phase in her life. 

I still believe her to be the only real Bollywood star who is worthy of my admiration. I thank you Zeenat Aman for being my teenage idol and for showing me the way into living life to the fullest, embracing your mistakes and moving ahead head held high.

In my 30’s I understood my second inspiration - She is truly a rock star. She showed me that there is always success if you focus and work hard & its okay to let people use you, just use them as much too – Wow- I had never thought of it that way before. She is truly the most amazing success story & will always be. She is the pioneer in the concept of re-inventing oneself every 4 years (I do that even today). Stop, evaluate and rid all habits not working and evolve. Evolution is the only constant and if you don’t change you will be extinct. She taught me that to be current you must be collaborative with young trends. Stay ahead of the game through re-invention.

Madonna is an inspiration one can only dream to experience first hand.

The last but not the least is my mom. She is the kindest, most charitable, most ethical person I have been inspired by. I find myself acknowledging and understanding this more & more as I truly grow up. She was a single parent at forty - two, uneducated and at an age when you are still young enough to want a lot more personally (how many 40 year olds have you met who still behave like 20 year olds?) and yet old enough to have a primary concern for her three young precarious teenage daughters who she would now have to bring up on her own.

She dived straight into it with grace, never complaining about life’s lemons & giving us three sisters as best as she could. We had so much love even though we struggled financially & of course it was tough, but in return our gift came wrapped as strong, determined, kind & successful achievers. As I enter my 40’s I can only imagine the true grit & determination of this amazingly enterprising, matriculate-educated woman who battled life head on & managed to fill our lives with love, laughter & success. I doubt we will ever be able to pay her back.

The trick is to find worthy inspirations...................

For success – it’s waiting for you around that corner you thought you would never find.

This is a small effort at paying a tribute to mine.

 

An Ode to love

A week from today, we complete twenty three wonderful years of being in love (twenty two of these are legal). In today’s context I’ll admit it’s rare, unimaginable & usually scoffed at as boring.

Boring –ours - not a chance … it’s as alive and exciting as the first day we met. Perhaps over the years our expression of love has graduated, into being more dignified & less animal like (much for the benefit of our children & to their relief too). Now hopefully with an empty nest we can resume our basic instincts & stay youthful forever.

And if it’s any consolation to the younger couples wanting a lifetime together, my heart still skips a beat when we see each other or when the door opens or when we are to meet on a romantic date.

23 years ago…..we nearly did not meet.

My mother absentmindedly forgot to inform me of my job interview, (also two decades ago jobs were not for us girls, especially those from businessmen Punjabi families. But being a rebel helps and I rejoiced in doing the exact opposite of these expectations. Much to my poor mother’s desperation of how to explain me to her relatives, though the sweetest thing that she is, always secretly supported me) but fate did have a different plan.

The company called to check why I had not made it for the interview & asked if I could make it in the next hour. I was elated that they actually thought this young graduate was important enough to call & I wore my best pair of jeans & sneakers and went for an interview (I would not hire anybody dressed like that today).

I was lucky I got the job.

As I was leaving the interview & got into the elevator, I noticed this north-eastern looking boy who was completely unaware of the attentions of one other female colleague & her hug was met with equal oblivion. I smiled furiously to myself and reluctantly confess I was intrigued by this young boy. I simply had to know who he was.

Don’t get me wrong I was a snob & definitely not interested in this boy (the debate still rages on at home) but did want to befriend him. This was arranged by a bright orange t-shirt I wore (we still amusingly recount this story to our kids who are now tired of hearing it) with a gaping hole in the back showing off my awesome swim tan. One thing led to another & within a month we were an item (sneaking off during lunch breaks for rainy drives in Colaba, coffee every evening at the Oberoi coffee shop, weekend movies, intimate holding of hands…..) It was a whirlwind romance & within six months

I married my best friend.

Our early days together, saw us quite broke, but ever so happy - we had each other & that was all we needed. The kids came within a year & soon we were young parents, evolving gently into this role with joy.

As the kids grew our legendary holidays began. We travelled the length of India with the kids in tow, asleep on the back seat of our car. Our holidays are the most memorable part of this journey together & they were cheap & cheerful. We stopped anywhere & everywhere at India’s midway hotels without reservations and had so much fun indulging in these impromptu itineraries. We have literally driven everywhere from Bombay to Lansdowne to Dehradun, from Delhi to Himachal Pradesh, from Goa to Conoor having the time of our lives.

So what really does make it work?

Truly there’s no formula. No gyaan that I could share.

But can say one thing for sure that in this journey, both need to transit from one phase into another together. The one moving quicker will need to wait for the other to catch up.

And on a more happy note - isn’t that what loved one’s do - wait for each other.

But currently need we wait - not a chance. So let the celebrations begin.........