Sibling Camaraderie

Everyone mostly speaks about sibling rivalry, I however choose to coin the term 'Sibling Camaraderie'.  

There are three important questions to ask here:

1. What does it mean? 

2. Does it exist or it is a quixotic ideal?

3. And why is it important?

Let’s start by defining sibling camaraderie;

• it exists when you have each other’s back

• No disagreement is important enough to cause a rift in your relationship

• No outsider is important enough to discuss your sibling with

• All exchanges of harsh words and actions will stay in-between you

• No matter how much you have hurt each other there will always be time to sort out your differences

• It's about not taking each other for granted 

• And finally, no amount of money is enjoyable, if your sibling ain't there to share it with you

As a young girl I often examined, and was more intrigued by sibling relationships rather than parental ones. Parental relationships are no-brainers, manifesting itself as the highest form of unconditional and sacrificial love. On the other hand, sibling relationships harbour years of imaginary slights, rudeness, snubs, a feeling of being taken for granted with a list of never-ending wrongs at both sides.  

Growing up, I silently observed my mom with her siblings, which did provide me with some sort of enlightenment and much amusement. Mind you, they loved each other but they also publicly fought, raged and hurt each other constantly. It was taxing on a young impressionable me and I felt that, economic success would be measured as a dynamic for affection many times, and sometimes it had absolutely no role to play. Such varied dichotomies were at play that my childhood fantasies were driven with a sole vision of my siblings and I, co-existing in a happier place. 

Alas! the dreams of the young and foolish. 

It made me even more determined to find a way to overcome all these growing pains, the rivalry and bitterness, as I matured. My vision of a doting, picture perfect relationship amongst kinship often witnessed in other relationships drove me to be the person who would always be there for my sibling, no matter what. And therein lied the problem, as then perhaps, it may be often that you are the donor but never the recipient or vice-versa, and right there starts the imbalance. 

I was also seriously curious on how other siblings achieved harmony, and yet were so starkly vocal about their ideologies with each other. What drove them to such a peaceful co-existence and love. I tried hard to find the answers, and observed their behavioural patterns with an intense desire to succeed in my quest.

'Schbang' - the eureka moment arrived, "So what really fosters sibling camaraderie, where there is zero rivalry" - and the answer was crystal clear; private disagreements, public harmony, calmness and respect. It is the same guiding principle that keeps you and your partner sane, and together for years to come. You overcome your resentment just as you would with your life partner, and your fights mostly stay your secret and others are never going to be privy to that. 

It is that 'eureka' moment when realisation strikes that no one wins and all siblings lose together. The only thing that should matter is reciprocal love and respect, and it should not be one-sided. Your sibling should enjoy the same love you would extend to your child, as who else will you have to share stories about your mad-hatter parents and family with. 

Your first ever childhood companion, and best friend - is it worth losing them over your ego. If yes, go right ahead sever that relationship for good and be happy in that existence, letting your soul fester in the bitterness for your lifetime. 

My starry-eyed dream is that sibling camaraderie supersedes sibling rivalry, after all it is way more fun to gossip about the world with your sibling than about your sibling.